“If you are depressed, you are not religious, you don’t even have faith!”
Would you believe it if I told you, you can obey your religion, pray and feel calm every time you do it, but in the not too distant future you can still think about committing suicide?
Don’t, don’t believe it. Because it’s hard to understand this if you’ve never been in the same situation. People said, “There is no ‘depression’ word in the dictionary of religious people.” I feel like there’s something odd about that assumption and I also feel sad, but at the same time, I understand why this opinion can be generalized so that it seems to be the truth.
Religion is considered as something exclusive as if separated from the mortal life of a world filled with insanity. In my limited reasoning, I just thought that didn’t God send down religion to fix the world, to save people who wanted to be saved? So if nothing is messy, what can be fixed? If no one needs to be saved, why did God send down religion as a guide for salvation? Don’t we ever think about it?
So, I think religion has been handed down for those of us who feel confused, for all of us humans who want to proceed. So if you are religious, but you may still often think about ending your life, I think that’s part of the process. The world is a place of processing, and religion is what helps us to do that. It’s not because you are religious and then your thoughts, feelings, and behavior are immediately like a prophet. I don’t think that’s the concept.
Back to suicidal thoughts. My sister once asked me “Why do you often think about suicide?” I replied, “I’m tired of living on a roller coaster that doesn’t stop, I think the only way to stop it is to die.” But don’t worry, I didn’t do it because I was scared enough to feel the pain. Coward, yes, or if I may replace that word with the phrase of “my survival instinct is still strong enough.” That’s it. Maybe that’s the way God protects me, who knows right?
My sister also asked me “Don’t you afraid of judgment day? You know that suicide is a big sin, don’t you?”
I am not a person who can be directed through the concept of punishment and reward, of course as a Muslim I believe in that, but it’s not something that effects to prevents me from doing such a thing called sin. I’m more afraid of not being allowed to go home. I’m afraid if I die that way, I won’t find what I’m looking for which is peace and the feeling of being back home. I do/don’t do anything more based on what liberates me the most, and whenever I get frustrated I always think I just want to go home, I just want it all to be over.
Until I got this in my head, “What if death doesn’t make it all over?” That’s what finally prevent me from committing suicide, aside from the fear of the pain of dying process.
I think it might be a more effective influence on preventing someone from committing suicide than just constantly saying “that’s a sin.. that’s a sin!” It’s not wrong, but it just shows how unsympathetic we are by not trying to understand what someone is thinking when they’re suicidal.
The right treatment for each person is different, but clearly we can’t advise people who are thinking about suicide until we listen and care about what they are going through.
I feel that way because the more advice I get, the more I want to end my life because it seems to prove that “I’m not belonging here, everyone seems so good and expert at living their life when I’m so depressed and no one ever tries to understand me.”
Even it’s not true, I’ve been struggling to control my mind about it. The point is it adds more burden to the mind of someone who’s depressed. So, instead of telling what they should do, just listen sympathetically. It’s the best thing to do, because as humans sometimes we can’t help much but by listening and not being judgmental, it can lighten someone’s burden.
Does anyone feel the same?
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