Talking about insecurity is talking about something endless because there are so many things that can become objects of insecurity within us. Indeed, the most common is physical, because physical is something we can see, touch, and feel with our skin.
People always say “Fight your insecurities, you’re not that bad!”
Objectively we know that we have more value than our appearance, more than the things we achieve, more than what people think of us, and more than what we do, we are so much more than that. We have feelings, thoughts, experiences, and beliefs, which let us know that behind everything, “we are human beings,” and that’s enough to feel complete.
Unfortunately that’s just theory because, in reality, it’s not as simple as we say. What we know is how we fight insecurity, often only by forbidding ourselves to ‘feel insecure’ which is the same as invalidating our own feelings.
Often times we also fight it by convincing ourselves with things that make us think the opposite of what makes us feel insecure, for example, “You can’t be insecure! You’re good looking, you’re smart, you’re great, you’re good, so on.”
I don’t think it works, cause insecurity is not something that once slashed and then immediately finished. Insecurity is a lifelong problem, one that we may even have to face every second of our lives.
It just overwhelms us even more, doesn’t it? It’s like there’s a war inside that never ends. On one side of ourselves (or others) keep telling us that we are fine but on the other hand, we feel or think that we are not. It’s exhausting, so I keep thinking I have to do something to deal with it.
Until I finally discovered that maybe the answer is ‘giving up,' in a good way. I know, giving up is something this world seems to forbid, something inherent with cowardice and despair, but I guess it isn’t always like that. In the context of insecurity, giving up means making peace with thoughts or feelings about something that’s not okay with us.
First of all, I think we have to deal with the feeling of ‘we have insecurities’ and that’s fine and normal. Everyone on this earth experiences something like that, even people who look perfect. Only then we can proceed to the stage of dealing with the things that made us insecure earlier.
For example, when we worry about our appearance like, “Do I look good or look bad, do I look beautiful or look ugly?” Why don’t we give in and block our insecurities with words like, “So what if I’m ugly? Does that mean the world is ending?”
Because no matter how good we look, there is always someone better than us. So it worked for me, I gave up and accepted the fact that I’m not perfect and can’t be compared to anyone.
Sometimes we look good, sometimes we look bad. We can also look good and look bad at the same time, in the same clothes, depending on what perspective is used. I don’t know, but when I think like that it feels more peaceful and stops overthinking.
Likewise with the insecurity of other things such as abilities and anything. For example, when we are in a group for certain activities, there must be a feeling that sometimes we see that people there have abilities, expertise, achievements, and even backgrounds that are much better than us.
I often experience that, and every time I feel insecure I would tell someone. That time I told my sister, and her response was something I hadn’t thought of before, and I think what she said is right. She said, “be an empty glass!”
Now that I think about it, the phrase ‘to be an empty glass’ is the same as the concept of ‘giving up’ that was just discussed. When we have anxious thoughts about ‘we are nothing,’ we can choose to give up and to compare, and stop trying to look as great as everyone else.
We choose to suggest to ourselves that “I’m here ready to be filled” and not to be busy thinking about what can we show. I guess that way the real value of ourselves will be more visible, based on experiences.
That concept, I think suits me.
